自闭厨师机港港子

分享一段獨白

I was in the winter of my life
我当时在度过我人生的寒冬
And the men met along the road were my onlysummer
而在旅途中结实的朋友们成为了我心中唯一的一片温暖
At night I fell asleep
每夜我入眠时
With visions of myself dancing and laughingand crying with them
都会梦见与他们一同起舞、一同欢笑、一同洒泪
Three years down the line of being on an endless world tour
这三年来我徘徊在世界各处
And my memories of them were the only things that sustained me
而和他们在一起的回忆成了我的精神支柱
And my only real happy times
因为只有和他们在一起我才会感受到真正的快乐
I was a singer, not a very popular one
我是一名歌手，一名不很出名的歌手，
who once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet
我也曾梦想成为一名能妙笔生花的诗人
But upon an unfortunate series of events
但经历了一系列不尽人意的事之后
Some of those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky
我的许多梦想如同天边星辰一般地破碎散落了
That I wished on ever and over again, sparkling and broken
一遍又一遍得重复着，凋零却又闪耀着
But I didn’t really mind
但我并不在意
Because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted
因为我心里知道，要想看破红尘
And then losing it to know that freedom is
就必须经历得而复失，学会放下
When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing
当那些认识我的人们得知我现在的生活状态，How I had been living they asked me why
我的生活方式时，他们会惊奇地质问我问什么要这样活着
But there’s no use in talking to people who have a home
但是我是不会向有家的人多费口舌的
They have no idea what it’s like to seek safety in other people
因为他们永远都不会理解我为什么要从陌生人身上寻求慰藉，寻求安全感
For home to be wherever you lie your head
永远都不能理解居无定所，随遇而安的生活
I was always an unusual girl
一直以来，我都是一个不同寻常的女生
My mother told me I had a chameleon soul
妈妈说我是个善变的人
No moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality
也没有道德的指南针为我指引方向，更没有固定的性情
Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean
内心思绪如同辽阔海面的浪潮一般摇摆不定
And if I said that I didn’t plan for it turns out this way, I’d be lying
但假如我说这种人格不是我刻意塑之 那便是在自欺欺其人
Because I was born to be the other woman
因为我冥冥中注定要成为男人生命中的另一位女人 (暗指情妇)
I belonged to no one who belonged to everyone
我不属于任何人，却又属于所有人
Who had nothing, who wanted everything,
一无所有，却想拥有所有
with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom
我无比渴望能够体验人生一切的一切，并痴迷于自由的生活
That terrified me to the point
对自由的祈望令我惊慌
That I couldn’t even talk about it
以致我都不愿谈起
And pushed me to a nomadic point of madness
它推使我走向了这条四处漂泊的不归路
That both dazzled and dizzied me
而我就这样痛并快乐地过着...
Every night I used to pray that I’d find my people
我曾日日夜夜祈求我会找到我的归宿
And finally I did on the open road
而最终在我那开阔的大道上寻觅到了他们
We had nothing to lose, nothing to gain
我们没有什么可失去的 亦没有什么想追求的
Nothing we desired anymore
我们不再为浮华名利而奔波
Except to make our lives into a work of art
只想把生活化为一种艺术
Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun
放纵生活 英年早逝 桀骜不羁 尽情享乐
I believe in the country America used to be
我对当年的美国梦深信不疑
I believe in the person I want to become
我那梦想中的自己从未改变
I believe in the freedom of the open road
我崇拜在那宽广之路上驰骋的自由
And my motto is the same as ever
而我的座右铭依旧那般，
"I believe in the kindness of strangers
“我相信世人的施恩
And when I’m at war with myself
而当我在思想斗争时，
I ride ,I just ride
我只想放下一切，尽情驰骋
Who are you ?
你到底是谁
Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?
你有没有将你心中最黑暗的狂想付以行动？
Have you created a life for yourself?
你有过着你想要的生活吗？
Where you’re free to experience them?
去体验一切，尝试一切
I have
我有
I am fucking crazy
我很疯狂
But I am free.
但我是自由的

這一段文字是我在寫尋的時候一直聽的獨白
因為沒有寫出這樣的感覺
有些失望